Butterflies, Dandelions and the Art of Humility
Hi, it’s me! I’m alive! I know it’s been a hot minute, and I am excited to share with you all.
Over the past several months, I’ve been in the depths of transformation and although I’ve heard some guru’s glamorize transformation as being magical, the reality is… it’s terrifying, painful, and lonely. And yeah, you learn to recognize some of the magic too... it’s just not what they tell you it is. It’s a process and I’m coming to learn that it’s ongoing. I often think of the butterfly in the chrysalis and how hard it has to fight its way out. When it finally emerges, it is beautiful and strong. But the butterfly would never say to you, “Oh it was nothing. It was so easy. No big deal.” No, the butterfly would humbly bow its head and admit that the journey was wrought with STRUGGLE to reach the point to be able to soar into the heights. The butterfly doesn’t have an ounce of pride. If it did, it wouldn’t even bother with the struggle. It would just be waiting around for someone or something to come along and do the work for it. “Because, after all”, it might say, “I’m a lovely butterfly and shouldn’t have to toil so much. I deserve to be set free. So I will wait…” And in the waiting, afraid of the struggle, it would die.
God has been teaching me A LOT about humility. I admit after several weeks of getting this message, I threw my hands up and said, “Okay, I hear You, but I really don’t struggle that much with pride…” Ha. (insert eye roll) Still, I began to pay attention.
Pride is so subtle but with fresh eyes, I began to see the ways I was struggling with pride. It can look like doing something kind or thoughtful for someone just to get their attention or a pat on the back, or an “attagirl”…ugh! It doesn’t have to be blatant, in-your-face pride. It’s very vulnerable for me to admit that the aforementioned example is just one way pride has shown up in my life. But at this stage of my life, I’m committed to the wrestling it takes to show up in each moment as the most authentic version of myself- so honesty has become paramount. (I highly recommend, The Hidden Peace: Finding True Security, Strength, and Confidence Through Humility by Dr. Joel Muddamalle, @muddamalle!)
Every morning be it cold, warm, raining, or sunny, I make my way into the yard, spread out a blanket and sit with God. Sometimes, it’s a quiet peaceful time. More often, however, we wrestle. You see, at this point, I welcome the struggle. It’s only in the breaking and shaking that I can shed the version of me that is so fake and stale and learn more about the woman God has called me to be. I’m here for it. And I don’t say that lightly!
For most of my life, I have been running from the authentic truth about myself, unwilling, (unable at times because the pain is just too much!) to face the shadows. Has the pain that caused me to mask up, put my lipstick on and present bright and shiny been caused in great part by the actions and free will of others? Yup (and there has been plenty of that). But now, the pain belongs to me. It’s mine. I had allowed it to make me hardened, resentful and bitter. Until the day it almost killed me (that’s a story for another time). Then I woke up. And I mean WOKE UP!
On one particular morning, directly beside my blanket, I noticed a small, seemingly insignificant dandelion. In case you haven’t noticed, I have a thing for dandelions! It had almost completed its cycle and was waiting for the wind to take its seed to far off lands. Or perhaps just another part of my yard. Most folks look at the dandelion as nothing more than a weed. But as I’ve discussed in a previous blog, a dandelion is anything but a weed! It is a powerful herb that the ancient Celtic culture considered one of its top medicinal herbs. Every single part of the plant, from the roots to the seed, has medicinal and therapeutic properties. Do you think the dandelion pauses its beautiful process of blooming, nourishing and pollinating the bees -thus all the other agriculture we need to live and eat- because people call it a weed? Do you think it is worried that others might think it too small or worthless as it struggles its way through a crack in the concrete to reach the sun? Do you think it peeks through the yellow of a slender petal to look around and make sure it’s the right color, size, shape, height etc., to be accepted by the rest of creation? Nope! It humbly bows itself each day to fulfill its God-given purpose, not caring a thing that most of the world calls it a weed.
So what message does the humble dandelion have for each of us? ALL of my life (and it remains a struggle) I have based my worth and value on what others think and say of me. But here’s what God has been teaching me and what I have been struggling to make real to my soul…I have been created in the image of God and God alone is the One Who gives me my intrinsic value and worth. Period. Good, bad or indifferent, every human being on the face of the planet was created as an “imager” (The Unseen Realm, Dr. Michael Heiser) of God, and no other human has the power to determine your value and worth…unless you let them. By allowing others to dictate my worth and value (People-pleasing anyone? Codependency?), I have been calling God a liar. One thing I have learned through this dark, messy and beautiful season of my life is that God is not a liar. Yahweh spoke me into existence and breathed the breath of life into me and on a dark day last year, literally saved my life from being snuffed out. I am here for a purpose. And so are you!
So, thanks for the patience, friend, as I have been sinking into the grace of God in a fresh and real way. If you need a compassionate, nonjudgmental, safe space to share your heart, I’d be honored to walk with you in your darkest of nights! You are not alone. You matter. Your life matters. I am so grateful for you!
